People-Pleasing Is Not Worth It

 It's not worth throwing away your own opinions, interests, and identity to gain the approval of people. 

Photo by Rafa Barros

I used to be such a people-pleaser. And I guess I still can be sometimes. It's an old bad habit. But after 10 years of trying to get people to like me, I learned that it's not worth it. 

When I was 7, I used to let people cut me in line because I was so afraid they will get mad at me if I say no. When I was little, I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to. I was so afraid of rejection and people disliking me. I remember hearing the other kids say, "Ask her to let you cut, she'll let you." Truth is, I don't want them to cut. But I couldn't say no, so I let them. I remember when girls would see a cute keychain I have and ask if they can have it. Obviously, I don't want to give it to them. But I couldn't flat out say "no." I just mumbled faintly "but it's mine..." I would anxiously wait until something interrupts our conversation and save me. 

I was always a shy little girl in my elementary years. I wasn't anti-social though. I love making friends. I want to make friends. But I was always too scared to walk up and talk to any of the kids. Because I always overthink on what they might say. 

When I was 14, I got used to pretending to agree with everyone and like what they like. Because I see an effect. I see people wanting to talk to me. I remember one time, someone was showing me tik toks about Genshin Impact. Up till then I had no idea what Genshin is. Let alone it's characters. But I just widen my eyes and say "oh my gosh," nod and gush at everything she shows me. Pretend that I know exactly what she's talking about. Pretend that we share similar interests. 

When I was 15, I began to throw away my morals and identity to "impress" people. If someone makes a dirty joke that, deep down, makes me uncomfortable, I would force myself to "normalize" it and laugh at it. I would tell myself that I'm being too sensitive, a sheltered homeschooled girl. That I'm supposed to find it funny. I'm supposed to be fun and joke with them about it. And I'm going to be honest, I did make some friends that way. But are they friends with the real me or the me that I created for them? 

For some reason, I always thought people-pleasing is "fine." I knew it wasn't good for me. But I didn't have a great self-esteem anyway. And I thought it'd make others happy. It'd make others like me. 

I was wrong

It wasn't until I met another people-pleaser that I found out how being a people-pleaser would eventually turn people against you. 

I used to think agreeing with everyone will make them like me. And I hated people disliking me. It stresses me out. I couldn't. I've always considered myself an honest girl. But I didn't know that I was being dishonest in the way I present myself to others. I pretend that I know what they're talking about. I pretend that I like what they like. I pretend I agree with them. And I thought they would like me for it. 

It wasn't until I met someone else who's constantly trying to agree with everyone that I realized how annoying it is. How it'll eventually turn people against you. When people realize that you don't actually agree with them like they thought you do, or that you weren't being genuine in the things you say, they'll begin to distance themselves from you. It would've been better if you've just disagreed with them, than to pretend to agree only for them to find out that you don't. 

Pretending to like what everyone likes or agree with everyone could make people like you at first, but on the long run, it'll eventually result in them turning against you as they realize that you were never genuine and that you are two-faced. 

People-pleasing is not worth it. It's not worth throwing away your own opinions, interests, and identity to gain the approval of people. If they don't like you, that's alright. They are entitled to their opinions. And you are entitled to yours. You should stick to your morals and beliefs instead of conforming to everyone around you. You should be genuine about what you say to others instead of saying it to get them to like you. You should know when to say no. When to set boundaries. 

And I'll be honest. It's not easy. I still have the tendency to agree with people so they'd like me. I still have the tendency to joke about things I don't actually find funny. I still have the tendency to sound interested in something I'm not at all interested in just to get them to like me. 

But I learned that it's not worth it. It's not worth getting people to like a fake you. And I'm trying to get rid of these bad habits. These people-pleasing tendencies. It's not an overnight transformation. You can't wake up one morning and stop people-pleasing altogether. But you can take the first step. You can improve. Even by 0.00001% at a time. 

I hope this was inspiring and/or helpful. Please like and follow my blog! Love u guys! <3